“Hello, who’s on the line?” Mr. Williams said.
How will I introduce myself to Mr. Williams? ‘Good Evening Sir, I’m
your Wife’s friend’ or what will I say? As I was thinking of what to
say I just remembered the Abokis, Abokis are known for calling
wrong numbers yeah?
I know how to speak Hausa to some extent, so I went from Fresh
UNILAG Boy to an Illiterate Hausa real quick. I scattered Hausa for
the man and pretended I didn’t know how to speak English, I
bemused him and he dropped the call.
Mrs. Williams didn’t save my number! As I thought about this I
snapped my finger like ‘yeah! That’s right!’ If she saved my number
that trick wouldn’t work, it broke my heart but on the other hand it
saved me, so it’s cool.
I had my earpiece on, I put the world on silent and my song in the
highest volume. With my clouded mind and my loud song I was
going to my hostel. I was jamming to ‘Wicked Games’ by The
Weeknd (you know the song yeah?), as I was listening to this song I
was thinking about everything.
I thought about Mrs. Williams, I thought about Vanessa, I thought
about the new almighty Lola I just had new experience with. I
thought about my Life, I thought about what I really want. Am I
confused? Am I searching for Love or for Lust? I thought about the
possible future Mrs. Williams and I could have together, I thought
about the possibility of Mrs. Williams’s son being someone I know,
since we stay in the same hostel. I thought about the circle I just
entered, the Lola and Vanessa’s circle, I know it is all fun for now,
but the latter might be horrible, when real jealousy sets in, (we all
know babes can be really dramatic when jealous).
The song you listen to has a lot of influence on your thoughts
unno? I was probably thinking about that because of the song I was
listening to. I was so deep in my thoughts I wasn’t even really
listening to the song again, I was dead to my environment, and I
was completely lost in my thought.
I was about entering my hostel when one of my friends, PrinceEasy,
tapped me from behind; I didn’t even see him before. I was quite
frightened when he tapped me, the tap brought me back to life, he
was saying some things I couldn’t hear, like he was talking to a deaf
man, my earpiece was plugged to my ears na, so I didn’t hear what
he was saying. He looked super excited, he was greatly agitated.
‘PrinceEasy, wassup? Wetin dey happen?’ I asked him to know the
reason behind his fly mood. PrinceEasy has been my nigga from
day one in school, he was like the first friend I made in school, he
tells me almost everything happening to him, I’m a bit reserved, I
don’t usually tell people what’s happening to me till I know I can no
longer hide it.
He looked at me like what’s wrong with this one that he is talking
like someone that wants to faint, he must have noticed I was not in
the right mood, but at that moment he didn’t care. All he wanted
was to tell me what he had done in the night. With the way he was
doing, I knew he must have done something really crazy or
something he has been wishing to do but I was just looking at him
like ‘if only you know what I’ve done tonight, you will know you
didn’t do sh*t’
“Baba, I’ve done many things tonight o” I looked at him like ‘and
so? After that nko?’ but still he did not care, he was just excited, he
was acting like I’d jump up after telling me what he did. My mood
was too fucked up to be curious, I was thinking about me.
I shouldn’t be having mood swing; I should be in a very fly mood. I
mean the mood I pictured myself after doing all I had done in that
night was a fly guy mood, I pictured myself walking back to my
hostel like I own the world, with Kanye West kind of swag. But it
was the direct opposite; I was just walking back to my hostel like
they stole my plantain. I didn’t know why I was feeling like that but
I couldn’t help it.
I just managed to ask him what was happening, that was how he
scattered the gist for me; it was about him and Sandra. We actually
met Sandra in a club; she was a crazy girl when we met her, party
animal and fun loving. PrinceEasy and I met her at the same time, I
actually wanted to set her p that night but my Nigga, PrinceEasy
outwitted me. I didn’t bother, it’s one of those things Niggas do to
Because PrinceEasy wanted to gain admission into Sandra’s
Institution of Honey, he became a fool for her, he spent a lot, and
he did a lot. Sandra is one of those kinds of babes that any Nigga
would want to hit, you know there are some babes you just want to
hit, and you know you’d die of heartache if you make them your
girlfriend. Nobody needs to tell you, you know falling in love with
them is falling in your own grave.
Sandra was one of those babes that when you meet her, she seems
like an easy catch but it wasn’t like that for my Nigga. She really
stressed and extorted him; it was all fine with him since he was
pursuing something, but something very dramatic happened.
Sandra gave her life to Jesus Christ!!! My Goodness! She was the
fire in every party; an Impotent Nigga would gain his potency if she
grinds him. No jokes, she all of a suddenly turned a new leaf, we
thought she had started one of her “I want to be like Genevieve ”
moves, we thought she was acting. But, she wasn’t forming it, we
actually confirmed ourselves. Bad Girl Gone Good, She became
Rihanna’s opposite. She used to be all about club, banging, and
smoking shit up! Now she’s all about Church; she used to be all
about things of the world now she is all about celestial (heavenly)
The day I knew she has really turned to something else was when
my friends (PrinceEasy inclusive) and I were coming from
somewhere in the school when we noticed a group of sisters
singing behind us, Sandra was among, infact na she dey front! She
was singing out loud, she was singing like heavens were going to
fall, as she was singing, she spoke in tongues too. “Who are these
Choir Mistresses again?” one of us said, I just stylishly looked back
to see the girls singing, Lo and behold it was Sandra and her other
sisters in the Lord, as I saw her I called Easy too.
The look on PrinceEasy’s face was priceless, when we saw the way
he looked at her we laughed out loud. She stopped singing when
she saw us laughing. She increased her pace and caught up with
us. She walked up to us and this babe started preaching to all of
us, we were like 5, that day I was amazed, I was just looking at her
mouth while she was talking like ‘wow, after all you’ve done with
this mouth, word of God can still come out of it’?.
Since then PrinceEasy’s dream of banging her and running away
died. They became just friends later (you know sometimes you’d
have spent too much on a babe and you won’t just want to watch
her go, just like that.), she used to take him to fellowship a lot, and
she was having positive influence on him, take him to library and all
that. Though they later started dating, the No Kiss, No Sex kind of
relationship and they were enjoying the relationship, according to
What PrinceEasy told me he did that night was he kissed Sandra, it
shouldn’t be a big deal but it was to him, even to me, because
Sandra wasn’t really into all those things anymore. He was about
gisting me how he the kiss happened when my phone rang. Who’s
the caller? (Don’t worry I’m not ending this episode here, we are
still rolling… LOL)
I wished it was Mrs. Williams that called back but it was Vanessa
that called. I picked up “Vanessa, wassup?” She sounded normal; I
thought she wanted to para about what happened between Lola and
“Have you checked your pocket? Don’t you know you’re forgetting
something?” as she said this, I quickly checked my pocket, what
am I forgetting?? Oh!! Fuck me!!! I forgot my wallet in her room; it
must have dropped from my trousers, at that moment I really
wanted to die.
I couldn’t go back to her place again; I was too weak to do that.
“Baby please can you help me bring it to my hostel, please”. I knew
she wouldn’t bring it, she would want me to come take it myself,
and maybe we’d finish what her boyfriend interrupted earlier.
“You don’t know bringers; you better come and take your wallet if
you need it” what am I going to do now? I was still thinking of what
to do when my friend asked me if I was just coming from Vanessa’s
place. I just answered yes and didn’t say anything after.
“So Vanessa’s place is where you’re coming from? Is that why
you’re looking like someone that wants to die? She has drained all
your energies again, na this babe go kill you last last” I ignored
whatever he said and told him to continue with the gist of how he
got his Spiritually Tight Girlfriend to kiss him when Lola called me.
He heard how the conversation went, he noticed something, I’m
sure he was confused because I just told him I went to see
Vanessa, why did Lola call me? Why were we planning another
meeting? Because when she called me I told her I’d busy for the
rest of the week.
“My Nigga! how far? Who called you again?” at this point, I had to
spill everything I did that night. So I picked up the gist and threw it
at him, but I didn’t tell him about Mrs. Williams.
He started whining me “ahh! You be chairman o, so only you! You
dey with 2 babes for one bed!” he continued whining, “Ba Ba Ba
baddest”. After all the whining he said, “Now I know why you’re this
dull! Vanessa only is death to you, adding a friend is your end, just
go upstairs, shower and make sure you drink milk before you sleep,
and don’t forget the assignment we are to submit by 8a.m o, have
you done it?”
I begged him to help me with the assignment, I pretended I was
really down, he agreed to help me with the assignment. He wanted
to follow me to my room but his girlfriend, Sandra, called him to
come and collect food, so he left.
Immediately I got to my room, I went to shower and brush my
teeth. I went to the bathroom with my toothpaste, because I knew I
would want to wash my teeth more than once, I knew I had to
scrub my tongue very well. My mouth has been to many places,
many corners… I had to wash it very well.
After shower, I plugged my phone to the charger and went to bed.
My night was peaceful, nothing disturbed me, I’m sure you guys
heard about bed bug invasion in UNILAG, that night I didn’t feel bed
bug, I slept well.
It took me time before I could get out of bed but I did, eventually. I
went for my classes and all that. After my class, I told my friends
to follow me to Vanessa’s place that I forgot my wallet in her place,
on our way I also told them about last night.
When we got to Vanessa’s place, I called her to come outside, she
thought I was alone initially she wanted me to come inside, I told
her I was with friends that she has to come downstairs, with my
While we were waiting for her, Lola was just coming from school,
she looked really stressed, like she had to fight devil during the day
and all her make-up had worn out. She wasn’t all that beautiful
when I saw her, like her beauty faded, all I saw was her ass. Seeing
her ass again made me think of hitting her again, I thought about
doggie, doggie with that kind of ass would be a lifetime experience.
As she saw me outside, I think Vanessa had told her I forgot my
wallet with her, she asked if that was what I came to get, she also
told me she denied me entering her room after we left Vanessa’s
room. “I need to rush upstairs and shower, I’m really tired” she
looked really tired too; she left and went to her room. She must
have met Vanessa on her way, because few seconds after she left
She knows most of my friends, after greeting them and giving them
side hugs, she greeted me like I own her, she hugged me like she
wanted to glue her breasts to my chest, I loved the feel of her
airbags on me, I hugged her tighter, like I’ve missed her too.
“Big Head, the rubbish you were doing last night made you forget
your wallet” I looked at her like I was totally confused, like I didn’t
get what she was saying. I collected my wallet from her; I knew she
couldn’t take from my money so I didn’t bother to check.
We talked about some things; we talked about when we would see
again, I told her I’d be busy for the rest of the week, like I told Lola.
She wanted to start talking about last night, I reminded her my
friends were with me, and I wouldn’t like to keep them waiting,
‘Baby let’s talk about this later, I’ll call you’ I said to her and kissed
her on her cheek, that was me saying goodbye, as I turned my
back, she said she knows I won’t call her. I knew I wouldn’t call her,
I just said that to excuse myself.
Getting back to school, my friends went to their hostel, only
PrinceEasy and I stay in the same hostel, but not the same room
though. I went to my room and looked for what to eat…
All through that day Mrs. Williams didn’t call me, and every time my
phone rang I wished she was the one calling. The first day went like
that, the second day again she didn’t call, no call, no text, nothing
from her at all.
I wished I could call her, but I just couldn’t. The third day, I waited
for her call, or her text, still I received nothing. When the fourth day
was almost ending I wished I knew her Son, I would have gone to
ask him ‘How’s your Mum? She has not called me in 4 days, hope
all is well?’
That was me thinking, the fifth day was going…. By then I couldn’t
take it anymore, I knew I had to call her, but not any time after
8p.m tho, I didn’t want Mr. I-Can-Pick-My-Wife’s Call, Mr. Williams
to pick up again.
When it was exactly 4’O clock in the evening, I called her. Guess
who picked the call again?
Mr. Williams???!!! No jhur, it was not Mr. Williams…. As I called the
number this is what I heard
“The MTN Number you’re trying to Call is currently switched off,
please try again later”
As the call ended, my heartache started, like a spear was thrown to
my heart, at that moment if I saw a naked hottie, my Abraham staff
wouldn’t perform any magic. I could feel my heart bleeding. What’s
going to happen?
Just let me go and shower, and think through in the bathroom. I
took longer than I should in the bathroom, I was just thinking, what
if her number never goes through again, how will I see her again?
As I was thinking about this I remembered the card she gave me
has her Office Number on it. Let me just call her office.
Quickly, I showered and rushed to my room, searched my locker,
searched everywhere, I couldn’t find the card she gave me again. I
asked my roommates if they saw any card lying in the room.
Nobody did, Card was gone, and her number wasn’t going through.
Later that day I tried to call her again, she was still switched off, the
next day I tried to call her again; her number was still switched off.
The next day I tried to call her again, same thing, she was still
What’s going to happen? Is that how I won’t see Mrs. Williams
again? Is that how Mrs. Williams’s path and mine will never cross
Anticipate the next episode as I’ll be telling y’all why her number
was not going through, I will be revealing what happened between
Mr. & Mrs. Williams, I bet you will be shocked.